Since starting this new blog adventure I have opened some wounds and done a lot of self reflecting all for what I’m hoping selfishly is for my greater good and for a greater purpose. This reflection has me looking into my past and present relationships; the good, bad, and ugly. I know every relationship has ups, downs, twists and turns and I believe there are lessons in ALL of it. Please note when I’m speaking of breakups, I’m referencing all types of breakups, meaning friendships as well, because they’re ALL a part of us.
With age I have come to realize that breakups no matter how we wish they were, are NOT always easy. After a breakup it’s as if little mine fields are strategically placed in various places that you once shared. Each step has to be gingerly taken as to save yourself from a triggered hypothetical blow-up. A breakup is more than just a person. For a while after they leave you feel the break up in the everyday, in restaurants, in favorite foods, in the parks or hikes you’ve gone on, in music (ugh! the music), in gifts, even in a smell. I used to beat myself up thinking; I’m smarter and better than this, how did I let this person impact me this way, how could I have loved them…I would place blame for it all on myself. Of course every relationship is different and we all should take responsibility for our faults and/or mistakes but taking the brunt or weight of a relationship in its entirety is NOT our responsibility.
Look old memories, places, and things in the face and tell them; “it’s over! I’m better because of this, you were not meant for me!” then when you’re ready create new memories in those places, move the furniture around, buy new sheets, new towels, grab your friends and have a dance party to the music that reminds you of them, go to those restaurants and laugh with your girls. Take control, love yourself. Create NEW memories. Let go of every second you spent wherever and however you spent it thinking you made a mistake in that relationship, questioning your self-worth. This is part of your story. He, She, They, It was a part of your story. In this hurt you will learn and grow and you will realize, that preferably sooner than later, you’re strong and ready to move forward. There ARE more fish in the sea!
Sometimes the most valuable lesson that a person can teach you is that you CAN do better than them.
Today, ask yourself; who were you before they broke your heart? Find that person again, love on that person, let yourself heal. Take a moment, sit back and marvel at your life, at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that made you wise to what you want and deserve in a relationship, at the suffering that made you stronger. Despite everything, you are growing! You still grow. Be proud of this.
I know that healing comes in waves that there’s no fast process. Maybe today your wave will crash into rocks and that’s okay! because maybe next month or year or even tomorrow your waves won’t be waves at all, but instead a calm glistening ocean.