What Happens AFTER The Cheating?

I have a little (well maybe not so little) story to tell….

A few years ago, geesh to be honest it almost feels like a lifetime ago, I myself was in an entirely different relationship and met another couple from that relationship. At the time this couple had recently moved to Austin, TX. (BEST city EVER but DON’T move her!! 😉 ) and we all became friends. A bit after they had moved here I was asked to help assist in their wedding process this sparked more of a friendship with the Bride-to-be. At the time I had no idea that she would end up becoming family.

Fast forward to not so long after the “I do’s”….

We all know the story; lies, immaturity, omission, and cheating. This leaves behind almost an inevitable path of tears, brokenness, and insecurities that lead to questions like “Why me?!” “What did I do or not do?!” “Did he/she ever really love me?!” the looming self-doubt that can at times be debilitating. This is a story that has happened not only to me but I’m positive to many of you.

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I wanted to share a bit of this story with you all because what can be the worst part of cheating (in my humble opinion) is what happens AFTER but there’s so much more to it than that…. There can be greatness as well.

After love’s rose colored glasses come off, after the curtains have been slashed open, after the pieces have been shattered, after the cheating it sadly all tends to fall on the person who was actually cheated on while the cheater runs off with the mistress (who also cheated on her marriage by the way) and they think they’re too cool for school because the people they surround themselves with cater to that. They cater to the self-righteous, narcissistic, “I’ve done no wrong” point of view. For them maybe there’s no repercussions, maybe there is, but that’s a whole other conversation 🙂

Don’t get this story wrong by it’s “sad” beginning. This is a story of strength, resilience, and hope. Even through ALL the mess, ALL of the lies (the stinky gift that keeps giving), ALL the hurt; my friend not only survived but is becoming even more beautiful and stronger in herself with each passing day. I want to celebrate her STRENGTH! Her ability to rise above this richard and all his poo and stand tall. Yes, there are days that are harder than others but there’s also really really great days too. There’s HOPE. There’s a beauty I see in her healing. Each day that passes she finds and/or even creates a new piece to herself, a piece that is ALL her. She was so excited to even say “you know what?! I like, no (pause for dramatic effect) I LOVE scrambled eggs!! I could eat scrambled eggs ALL day. Just bring me ALL the scrambled eggs!!” as we both laugh, “You know, he (who shall not be named, ha! see what I did there…) doesn’t get this about me. He thinks I like over medium eggs” This may seem silly to you if you’ve never experienced this but let me tell you, it’s not! It’s a real raw truth.

She is even finding a wisdom in this hurt. She just recently posted this (See below) on her Facebook.

One of the biggest mistakes we make at the beginning of relationships is that we present ourselves in a way that we think the other person will desire most. We take a stab at what it is we think they want in us or from us. We lie about things, and hide others. We exaggerate and minimize. We change. And we immediately start sharing the message that we don’t believe that we are enough as we are.
So here’s the thing. We convince others that we are someone we are not. And the people who like this adulterated version of us at some point start to realize that who we said we are is not actually who we are.
But here’s the real zinger.
The painful truth is that we convince the beautiful souls who are all about the real us…the unmasked version of us…that we are a person who they’re not actually interested in. When we walk away from our true selves we’re actually waking away from the people in this world who are looking for us. Does that make sense?! I know this is scary as alllll hell, but I’m going to challenge you. Try it. Take the mask off for an hour– or a day — or a week. Whatever you’ve got. But when a person asks you if you like something, or if you’re into this or that….just be honest. Just to give the real answer. Try sharing something you would normally hide. Give it a shot. Sure, some people may call it a day right then and there, but others won’t. And you know what?!? Living in your truth is SO worth it.

Tell me that’s not some amazing wisdom and strength right there??!! I mean seriously, tell me that and I may need to kick you and that negativity in the tush 😉 “ain’t nobody got time fa dat” 

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So THIS is what happens when you begin to find yourself. THIS is what happens when you find your own path. THIS is what happens when you pick yourself up, brush the dirt off, pick your chin up and show the world you’re better than what’s been done to you.

Thank you friend for the opportunity to see you grow. You’re an inspiration. You’re a true testament of strength. I love you more than you know and I look forward to our years to come. Happy early birthday my little Unicorn.

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To the rest of you’s….

NEVER let someone take or compromise your happiness. You’re beautiful. You’re strong. Happy Monday! You’ve got this!

XOXOXO

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