Good Monday Morning, Good May 1st to you and Happy National Egg, Salsa, Strawberry, Hamburger, and Salad MONTH 🙂 This is #Truth Ha! Look it up! Don’t you just feel even more excited for this month now?!! Anyway, I dunno about you but, I for one have had an interesting weekend filled with ups and downs and still with the continual back pain. Yup, the back pain is still here but it’s getting better, slower than I’d like but, better nonetheless.
Today I would like to talk about a card I hold close to the chest, family. I haven’t always been very great at opening up to people let alone discussing my family, immediate, or otherwise but, when I began my blog I made a promise that I would open myself up to you even in things that make me feel uncomfortably vulnerable. So… here I am about to share some things I have some “issues” (ok, maybe more than some) with.
Being a Step-Parent is NOT easy! but the LOVE is worth it!
We ALL have pasts; past relationships, past loves, past mistakes. This past is a part of what makes us; a tapestry if you will, of our lives. Some people have a past that could be more of a “jagged pill” for people to swallow, but for others the past could also be a blessing.
I am the type of person that has always had a heart for kids, always. I mother most everything in my life, including my “friend family” to everybody’s annoyance.
Jeff and I met on a dating app you may have heard of, Bumble; I let you all know about this briefly in last week’s blog, “13 Random Facts About Me”. Before Jeff and I even met he was admirably open and honest about the fact that he’s a Father to a beautiful little girl. Then we found out that I happen to “know” his “baby momma”. I say “know” because she and I never had a friendship, she was more of an acquaintance, a situation of “friends of friends” or having mutual friends I suppose you could say. This ALL came out even BEFORE date #1!! Talk about an intense start, I mean come’on Bumble!! or is it a case of the “NOT so small world” hahaha!! Okay okay, all kidding aside, I’m extremely grateful for our intense beginning and wouldn’t change a thing.
Our Little Flower had me reading all up on parenting, step-parenting, blended families, and the works. I’m a bit of a “research” dork and I believe that knowledge is power but, no books or Google searches can prepare you for the heart tug of a child or the drama that a past relationship can bring to your current relationship. I really don’t want to be the whole “cliche” step-mom that doesn’t “like” the other biological parent but…. well, I’m also not one to mince words so here I go….
I respect that this past relationship of Jeff’s brought an amazing Little into this world, I respect the fact that she is the mother to this amazing Little, I can even respect that there was once love shared between her and Jeff. What I cannot and WILL not respect is a person that cheated and lied in their relationship with the father to their child and yet continues to meddle in his life and current relationship in ways that have nothing to do with their child or her life. I will not respect a person that is manipulative to people including their child, a person who demands child support to support her life not the life of her child, a person who tells her child that I am “not her family because she did not come out of my tummy” (yup, that happened) I started out wanting to give this person the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to be able to offer objective opinions during the moments that got heated but this “women” has helped to create an environment in which I feel under constant attack and I worry for the mental and emotional well being of our Little. I very much wish things were different. I wish that she would get her life together, learn some maturity, and just be a great mother, all while leaving “our family” alone. By the way, when I refer to “our family”, I mean, Jeff, our Little, and I. Her family, is hers and that includes our Little, and fortunately not us; we like it this way. Like I said, I wish things were different, I wish this person wasn’t the cliche “baby momma drama” but hey, we can’t always get what we want….maybe some day….
Now, let’s talk about why I’m so lucky to be a “Step” mom…
This beautiful young girl has absolutely stolen my heart. She is part of the reason for my daily smiles, laughs, and joy. She may not have “come from my tummy” (Ugh!! Still can’t believe that was said to a 4yr old!! 😦 ) but as far as I’m concerned she may as well have come from me, she is now a part of me, part of my heart. She is like the air I breathe. I LOVE her as my own. I will always love her as my own. Since we share custody, 50/50, my heart yearns and misses her when she’s not home with us. I miss the sound of her laugh, the infinite questions, and her eskimo kisses. I’m sure that any parent believes that their child or children are the most incredible gifts and I am no different. I feel as if there are people including currently in our lives that don’t respect my relationship as a “step” parent. People that may feel that because I am not her biological mother I shouldn’t have any say in parenting our child, that I shouldn’t hold the same amount of respect from her, or even that Jeff and I haven’t been together “long enough” in their eyes or standards. So let me ask you, I wake with our family every morning, I make breakfast, pack school lunches, get her ready for school, brush her hair, we take and pick up from school, help when her school needs help….wipe her tears when she’s sad, kiss her “boo boo’s” when she’s hurt, pray with her before every meal….I could keep going but… I think you get the picture… is this not parenting? are these not the actions of a “mother” or a “parent”?
My honest feelings are that as a biological parent you’re always a mother or a father there’s no real “choice”, you’re the shared DNA. As a step-parent you “choose” this or maybe it chooses you, and I feel that’s really the only major difference between the two. My Dad, who I still call daddy is not my biological father. I consider myself so very blessed that he chose my Mother and I, that he chose to take me in as his own, to love me, and raise me as his daughter. Jeff’s situation is similar, his Dad is not his biological father and yet his Dad loves, cares, and has raised Jeff to be such an amazing man. The tapestry that has made us the people we are today has also made us the parents we are. These men, who were not our biological fathers were blessings to us and our lives.
Jeff and I try to instill respect, honesty, and love in our family and that means that we will always show respect to her biological mother in front of our daughter even when it pains me, even when she has disrespected me in ways I would never do to her, no matter how deserving (Ie; not sharing her name publicly) That said, I will also protect my family, I will be the “momma bear” whenever it’s called for.
At the beginning of this blog I said, Being a Step-Parent is NOT easy! but the LOVE is worth it! and man, oh man…. is the LOVE of a child so worth it!! I’m so very in love. It’s not easy. Matter of fact it’s damn right challenging but I know that I wouldn’t trade it for the world! She has changed me. She and Jeff have made me want to be a better person. I may not be this Little’s biological mother but I will love her as if she were of my womb. I will be here to help mold and teach her that she is loved, she is beautiful, and she is a daughter of The King. I will protect her until my dying breath for she IS my daughter.
June and I
As you have probably already noticed (or maybe you haven’t) this is the longest blog I have yet to write, and hopefully this has helped you to get to know me a bit more. I hope that me sharing things that make me feel uncomfortable or vulnerable helps you in your life somehow. Please know that you’re welcome to message me if you’d like to talk, have questions, or even need prayer. I am here.
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See you Lovers Wednesday!